White coat. Heels.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
