We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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