felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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