I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
