i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
