oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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