omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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