I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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