My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
