can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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