Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
