Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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