I am puke
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
