my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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