Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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