No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
