i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
