I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
