Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
