Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
