I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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