Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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