I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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