therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
