This is not my ceiling
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i out mim tonsoeep
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