break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
