i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I want to fling myself into the sun
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
