well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
