Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
