Please, let me fuck your mom
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
