I hate all girls vehemently.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
