dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
