thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
