and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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