..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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