i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
