I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
