Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
