I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
