I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
