After last night, I could never be a politician.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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