I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You have to summon your inner elephant
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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