Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
