my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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