I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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