She announced her abortion via fbk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
