Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
