No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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