i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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