Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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